


Lists

by Jazznsmoke



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Prison, Anxiety, Comfort, Daryl Dixon & Beth Greene Friendship, F/M, Family, Friendship, Good Person Merle Dixon, Humor, Lists, Mental Illness, Merle Dixon Being an Asshole, Merle Dixon Lives, Merle x Beth - Freeform, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, OCD, Prison, Slow Burn, Sparring, Training, going on runs, taekwondo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2019-11-16 13:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18095288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazznsmoke/pseuds/Jazznsmoke
Summary: Merle stepped into the watch tower and shook his head in annoyance. He picked up 3 separate sheets of paper with half finished lists on them. He didn’t have to look at the girly handwriting to know who it belonged to. She left the damn things all over the place. He crumpled up the sheets of paper and tossed them into a corner to deal with later.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [texasbelle91](https://archiveofourown.org/users/texasbelle91/gifts).



Merle stepped into the watch tower and shook his head in annoyance. He picked up 3 separate sheets of paper with half finished lists on them. He didn’t have to look at the girly handwriting to know who it belonged to. She left the damn things all over the place. He crumpled up the sheets of paper and tossed them into a corner to deal with later. 

\------------------------

“Ya comin’ ta the meetin’ in an hour?” Daryl questioned as they crossed paths the next morning. 

“Yeah, I got a damn bone ta pick,” 

Daryl’s eyebrow lifted but he chose to leave it alone for the time being. He would find out soon enough. Merle left his brother and walked to the area they used as a kitchen and dining room. He knew he would sit on the stairs like he does at every meal. Merle knew that while he had been working hard to change his ways and be a better man, most people within the prison would never see him as anything other than a drugged up, alcoholic, redneck asshole. He didn’t mind, he was only there because of his little brother, anyways. 

He normally ignored the others in the group, just went about his own business. Today he would speak his mind. Especially now that he spotted another list on one of the tables. He picked up the newest list, dumped his empty bowl and went to his cell. He glanced at the list and rolled his eyes. A damn list of all the men in the prison and their clothing sizes. At least that list happened to be somewhat helpful, he couldn’t help thinking. 

He stepped into his cell and washed his face using a rag and bottle of water before changing his shirt. He glanced around the cell, taking in the few things he kept outside of his go bag. It took him a moment to realize things weren’t exactly as he had left them.

“Are ya fuckin’ kiddin’ me?” He walked around the tiny cell and checked his belongings. Nothing missing, just moved around a little. “Who the fuck is stupid enough ta fuck wit’ me?” He sat down on the bed and looked around again. He spotted a piece of paper tucked under a small table he had put in the room. 

Merle grabbed it, a feeling in his gut telling him the blond had something to do with it all. He started reading the list.  
-More clothes  
-Deodorant  
-Straight razor and kit  
-Books (Does Merle even read?)  
“The fuck, she think I’m illiterate?” He asked himself before continuing to read her list.  
-Comfy pillows  
-More blankets  
-Rug, he shouldn’t have cold toes in the morning  
-Mirror  
-Curtains, everyone deserves some privacy  
-Lotion, so his arm doesn’t get all chapped when he’s worn his knife thing.  
-New boots  
-Fuzzy socks  
He half wished she had written her thoughts on the fuzzy socks, before he forced the thought out of his head. He reminded himself of the fact she had gone into his cell and went through his shit. “Why the fuck is that girl makin’ a list o’ shit fer me?” 

\----------- 

Merle watched the members of the council from where he leaned against a wall. He was only half listening to their discussion about reinforcing the fences. He was thinking about all them damn lists.  
“Is there anything else?” The old man asked the group. 

“I’s got somethin’,” Merle stated. The others turned towards him. “I keep findin’ half baked lists all over the goddamn place, I’s even findin’ ‘em in my fuckin’ cell,” 

His little brother snickered and Merle glared at him. 

Maggie And Hershel spoke at the same time, “Beth,” 

“I know the fuck it is doin’ it, I’s wantin’ ta know why an’ why ya ain’t stopped that shit.” 

“Beth has made lists since she was a little girl. I don’t even notice them anymore,” Hershel admitted. 

“Me either,” Maggie agreed. 

“I found one in Judith’s playpen yesterday when I got her up from her nap. It’s harmless an’ she usually notices things we need from runs that we overlook.” Rick added. 

Daryl laughed as Rick finished his story. 

“’S a damn waste o’ paper,” 

“Nah, Merle. She keeps shit runnin’ ‘round here wit’ some o’ ‘em. ‘Sides, it keeps ‘er busy when she ain’t got Asskicker.”

\-------------- 

Merle tried, he really did, to ignore the lists. He found nearly a dozen over the next week. He just made a stack of them and gave them to little brother. He refused to read anymore of them after the one he found in his cell. He was still scratching his head on that one, after all. 

One evening he was surprised to find himself having dinner in the common area at the same time as most of the group, instead of being on watch in the tower or walking the fences. 

He sat on the steps next to his little brother and observed the group, noting the way that despite their different backgrounds they melded into a family unit. 

Merle jumped up, surprising everyone closest to him and shouted, “Aw, hell no! Ya ain’t writin’ another o’ them damn lists just ta leave it layin’ ‘round!” 

He watched her turn and look at him, her blue eyes getting big and round and filling with tears before she stood and ran from the room. 

“Fuckin’ hell, Merle, tha’ girls got OCD, why can’t ya jus’ leave it alone?” Daryl shouted at him. 

He instantly regretted his choice to yell at the girl. He didn’t speak as he left the room and went in search of her. He found her in her cell, the light purple she used as a curtain closed. He could hear her crying. He tapped quietly on the bars with his knife hand before he walked in. 

“I’s sorry, girl. I’s an asshole for yellin’ at ya,” She sat on the edge of her bunk and slowly looked up at him, tear tracks evident on her cheeks. “C’mon, stop cryin’ Suga. I know ya ain’t ta blame for yer lists,”

“I’ve tried to stop makin’ them, but I can’t,” 

“I’ll help ya,” He promised the young woman in front of him, without a moment of hesitation. 

“Why?” 

“Cause ya deserve better’n how I just treated ya an’ I know a little somethin’ ‘bout this shit,” 

\---------- 

Merle Dixon got a lot of shit for the way he talked to Beth Greene that night at dinner and he didn’t say a word in his own defense. Contrary to popular opinion of everyone in that prison, he isn’t completely heartless, and he sure knows when he fucked up. 

He started keeping the blonde near him as much as he could, getting to know her, watching the way she made her lists and when she was more apt to make them. Hell, he even helped her to complete a few of them. He stopped getting frustrated when he found them laying around. He just piled them up in his cell and tossed the ones that aren’t useful, giving the others to Officer Friendly or his little brother.

A few weeks after the scene he caused at dinner he pulled his bother aside. “I’s needin’ off watch fer awhile,” 

“Why the fucks that, Merle?” 

He looked away from Daryl for a moment, “I made a promise I plan on keepin’,” 

Daryl chose not to ask Merle any other questions. They both knew it was about the blonde. Oh yeah, they both knew the other had a soft spot for her, even if it happened to be in different ways.


	2. Chapter 2

Merle stood outside of her cell, listening to the lack of sound coming from the prison. It was early in the morning; the sun wasn’t yet rising. He pushed the curtain to the side and walked quietly to the side of her bunk. He leaned down and whispered, “C’mon, suga, wake up,” 

She woke up with a gasp, reaching for a knife on her bedside table. His hand reached quickly for hers, stopping her before she grabbed it. Grateful for the near pitch-black darkness of the cell as he smirked.

“Merle!” She chastised him with a whisper, “Ya scared the daylights outta me!”

“Ugh, why ya waking me up so early?” She groaned. 

“We got work ta do, get ya lazy bones up,” he laughed, “best ta get used ta wakin’ up early.” 

He stepped outside of the cell, letting her curtains fall back into place while he waited for her to get dressed and ready. She walked out minutes later, pulling her long blonde curls back into a ponytail. “There’s a cup o’ shitty coffee an’ some protein bars downstairs, we’ll eat ‘fore we head out,” 

She cocked her head to the side, looking at him questioningly, but continued to walk next to him. He didn’t offer any explanations.   
He didn’t waste time after they finished eating, he led her straight outside and into the yard. Merle began an extensive set of warm ups. He stopped mid-stretch to raise his eyebrow and look at Beth pointedly.

“Ya want me to stretch too?” 

“Well, I didn’t bring ya out here jus’ ta pay attention to my ass,”

She snorted, “Ya sure do leave a lot to be desired,” 

“Quit yappin’ an’ get warmed up,” He chuckled taking the bite out of his words. She quickly followed suit after sticking her tongue out at him. Once they both were warmed up, Merle jumped side to side a few times and began jogging around the edges of the yard. He set a slow pace to begin but as they made laps, he increased his speed until they were running like the dead were hot on their heels in the heat of summer. 

His lungs burned and his legs felt like rubber when he finally brought them to a stop. He was sure she had to feel the same, if not worse. To his surprise she hadn’t complained   
even once. He gave them both enough time to catch their breath and drink water before he caught her attention again. 

Merle stood in front of her, his hands open and held towards her, his legs spread slightly. “Start punchin’, show me what ya got.” He watched her eyes begin to to roll, he cocked his head to the side, eyebrow raising yet again, and she grinned. 

She raised her fists got into a good position and let her right arm fly. He concealed a grunt of surprise at the strength of the punch and the fact she made a fist properly. She paused for a second before she let loose, bouncing on the balls of her feet and punching into his hands, over and over. 

“A’right, darlin’, why don’t ya cool down an’ we’ll call it a day?” He suggested as sweat beaded on her forehead. She gave a quick nod and jumped into the same exercises they had done to warm up. 

“Where’d ya learn ta punch like that?” 

“I took Tae Kwon Do for a couple years when I was younger,”   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

The more he thought back to their morning in the yard the more intrigued he found himself. For as small as she really is, she can throw a punch better than most of the men he’d brawled with through the years. He could barely hide his amusement and shock when she nonchalantly told him that she had taken Tae Kwon Do, like it meant nothing.   
He wanted to spar with her; see how and what she would do against someone bigger than her. He wondered briefly if he had underestimated her in other ways, too. He found himself irritated at the thought. Why should he care if he had? 

He spent the day watching her, wondering what else lay hidden, with as much subtlety as a horse in the kitchen. It wasn’t hard for any one to see her attempts at hiding her yawns and rolling her shoulders. He chuckled every time he noticed it. He knew she was beyond tired but liked that she pushed through it and went about her business. He didn’t see her write a single goddamn list either. 

Merle continued to wake Beth up every morning before the sun rose and they went through a tough workout. He even started showing her how to use various knives and ways that her to use her smaller frame with more agility, rather than relying on strength alone.   
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------   
“Merle,” 

He looked up at Beth, instantly worried by her tone. She sounded despondent. “What’cha need, girly?”   
She held out a stack of papers to him. He groaned before taking them. 

“I couldn’t help it, but I didn’t leave them all over the place, at least.” She peaked up at him through her lashes, sheepishly. 

“That’s a start,” He half grinned. He paused to think, “I got another idea,” 

“What is it?” 

“You an’ me are goin’ on a run,” 

“How’s that goin’ to help any?”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

He had forgotten all about the stack of papers Beth had brought to him until he was back in his cell that night, and he was taking his jeans off for the night, emptying the pockets of anything needless. He took them out of his pants pocket and went to drop them into the trash can, only to stop himself a split second before he let them fall from his fingers. He sat down on the edge of the bunk and flipped through the pages. Out of them all only two caught Merle’s eyes. One being a list full of medicines and herbs, and another that started with **Merle.**

“Aw hell,” He groaned, and tossed the lists into the trash like he had originally planned. He suspected that it was just another list of things he ‘needs’, and honestly, he didn’t have time for that. He has everything he needs, he has weapons, food for if he needs to make a run for it, and a couple extra changes of clothes. Another list full of fuzzy socks, blankets and damned curtains isn’t of any use to him. He muttered, “Fuck that,” to himself, shook his head and laid down on his bunk.

He attempted to fall asleep. He lay there for over an hour, staring into the darkness where the bars of the bunk above him would be, if he could see it. He even attempted to count sheep in his effort to fall asleep and forget about Beth and her stupid goddamn lists. 

It didn’t work. Finally, he gave up and lit the lantern he kept next to the bed, before reaching into the garbage can and pulled out the stack of papers, again. He set them all on the bedside table but kept the one with his name in his hands. 

**Merle**  
• Cares enough to help me  
• Can make me laugh, even if it’s super early  
• Beautiful eyes  
• Cares so much about Daryl  
• Isn’t afraid of anything (that I know of)   
• Against an enemy he would be terrifying  
• **Shoulders**  
• Can make hard choices that others can’t  
• Omg, his voice

 

• I’m not his type  
• This is silly  
• Maggie would kill him  
• Maggie would kill me  
• This is silly

He read through it several times, not quite believing what he was seeing. His thoughts were chaotic, at best. He was full on shocked and he was pretty sure his jaw was lost somewhere on the floor. He controlled his thoughts and stuffed the paper into his pants pocket again and lay back down. 

He couldn’t believe that petite blonde had written a list full of qualities she liked about him. He couldn’t believe that anyone, especially someone as young and pretty like her, would take the time to find good qualities in him. For all his life he had been just a redneck asshole, who liked to drink and do drugs, partying constantly. He was underestimated constantly, even before he started partying. It was part of why he started that shit in the first place. 

He was also thrown for a loop to realize the second part of the list was reasons why they couldn’t be together, and man, that was something else. He really couldn’t wrap his head around it. It wasn’t full of shit like he’s too old, or he’s just a piece of shit, or anything of the sort. It was just shit like she isn’t his type-which got him to wondering, what in the hell does she think his type is? 

He had to know; did she intentionally give him that list as a hint that she’s into him? Or was it an accident? He wouldn’t say a damn word about it, though, until they were on their own and no one could overhear.


	3. Chapter 3

Beth knew her lists were weird and the fact that she made them compulsively was even weirder. She’d been making them for as long as she could remember. She knew it was something called OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Her family never made a big deal about it, never made her take medicine or anything. It was something they just accepted, like breathing. 

Maybe if they knew about her other little ticks, they might have been a little more concerned, but they didn’t. She kept the others to herself. Like, how she counted words in a sentence. The number of words in a sentence. The number of words had to be 9 or else it got stuck on a loop in her head. She would dissect the sentence, rewording it or stretching out syllables until it fit, and the sentence would _finally_ evaporate from her mind. 

She also must _touch_ things as she passes by them. Every bar on a cell door. Fence posts. That kind of thing. 

Those were easy to hide. The lists though? They just seemed to spring up out of nowhere, almost like they were breeding, for god’s sake! 

But, no one in their raggedy mixed up prison family seemed to mind, that is, until Merle Dixon came to the prison. He just stayed to himself for the longest time, only really interacting with Daryl until he was suddenly mostly one of the group. 

Beth and Merle didn’t interact, didn’t have anything to do with each other. Mainly because their roles within the group were complete opposites. She noticed him, that’s for sure. Merle Dixon, well, everything about him demanded to be noticed. Loud and crass, shoulders that any straight girl would be remiss to not drool over them; Especially when he’s only wearing a tank top and he’s working. Dear god above, those piercing blue eyes that make you feel like he looked all the way into your soul. 

Oh yeah. She noticed him. 

She had frozen, rooted to the spot when she heard him shouting in their cafeteria across the room from her. It took three seconds for her to realize there wasn’t danger. He was yelling at _her_. The moment the realization hit she burst into tears. Humiliation hit her like a 10-ton truck. In all the time since the world had fallen apart _no one_ had said a word about her little quirk. What really got her was the fact she was getting yelled at. Her daddy rarely raised his voice, and no one had ever dared yell at her, except for maybe Daryl; but he never really meant it, and he couldn’t express his feelings that well, anyways. 

So, she cried, like any girl in her situation at that moment would. She ran from the room so fast she felt like she had teleported. Of course, you can’t have an injury without adding an insult too. Merle freaking Dixon of all people showed up outside of her cell as she cried. 

Not only had he apologized and sounded sincere, but it was close enough to begging when he had asked her to stop crying that she had. Somehow. It felt like, to her, like his words were someone turning off a faucet. 

She was beyond confused by his complete turnaround. One minute he yelled at her, the next he apologized AND offered to help her. 

\------------------------------------------------- 

She never once in a million years would have thought she would spend nearly every day with Merle, for nearly two months. Let alone that it would be alone with him most of the time. 

Beth had expected to feel shy when she realized that Merle expected her to work out with him. Especially when he began to teach her, too. She had always been quiet and for the most part, shy around others. More so if she doesn’t know them all that well. She wasn’t though. She could sass him right out of the prison, had she wanted. Weirdly enough, she didn’t feel like she had to hide anything about her quirks from him. 

After the incident in their cafeteria and he had apologized, she felt no judgement from the older man. 

Who would have guessed?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya know, I always have to say thank you SOOO damn much to Texasbelle91. I seriously don’t know what I would do without this woman. She helped me so much with this chapter. 
> 
> I also would like to thank EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU that is taking the time to read this. It means so much to me. It inspires me. It pushes me. I mean it. Thank you with every fiber of my being. 
> 
> A lot of Beth’s ticks are the same ones I have, the struggles I face daily with OCD. I’ve always been able to identify closely with Beth. Me and Texas had this big huge discussion about OCD and people who tend to be ASSHOLES about it, like it isn’t a real disease, and well, that’s how this damn fic came about. If you were wondering. I threw a lot of myself into Beth, and what I’ve faced and feared. 
> 
> We all know that I just cannot resist the sweet side of Merle freaking Dixon. That man. *Pauses to admire him some more*   
> Lemme quit talking now so y’all can just go ahead and read this chapter. Let me know what ya think XOXO   
> She was getting bad again, and she knew it. She could hide the stupid lists from everyone, at least. They didn’t end up all over the prison. She was grateful for that at least.   
> Beth knew that even though she was still making those lists, somethings had changed. Like, she could honestly call Merle Dixon her friend. That maybe she wanted him as something more than a friend. That was when she realized she had to be at least a little crazy.   
> Not that age would really matter in this new world, but there wouldn’t be anyway he would ever see her as anything more than a kid. Like Carl or Judith. She tried to ignore her little crush on him; There was no point in fantasizing- it would just make things weirder for herself.   
> It wasn’t working out so well for her. Of course it wasn’t. She liked him. That wouldn’t just disappear.   
> She didn’t make the list consciously. She was just sitting there, with a pen and a paper and it just sort of happened. A list of things she liked about Merle. It was stupid and ridiculous, she kept telling herself, after she realized what she was doing. But she couldn’t deny that he had become important to her. 
> 
> The second half, though, that was intentional.

She was getting bad again, and she knew it. She could hide the stupid lists from everyone, at least. They didn’t end up all over the prison. She was grateful for that at least.   
Beth knew that even though she was still making those lists, somethings had changed. Like, she could honestly call Merle Dixon her friend. That maybe she wanted him as something more than a friend. That was when she realized she had to be at least a little crazy. 

Not that age would really matter in this new world, but there wouldn’t be anyway he would _ever_ see her as anything more than a kid. Like Carl or Judith. She tried to ignore her little crush on him; There was no point in fantasizing- it would just make things weirder for herself. 

It wasn’t working out so well for her. Of course it wasn’t. She liked him. That wouldn’t just disappear. 

She didn’t make the list consciously. She was just sitting there, with a pen and a paper and it just sort of happened. A list of things she liked about Merle. It was stupid and ridiculous, she kept telling herself, after she realized what she was doing. But she couldn’t deny that he had become important to her. 

The second half, though, that was intentional. 

\---------------------------------------------------- 

It took a lot of courage for her to pick up a pile of lists that she had made over the last couple of weeks and take them to Merle. She knew he had no idea she had started making them again. She tried so hard to keep it hidden and not let anyone see it happening. She was worried about disappointing Merle. She didn’t want him to be upset that his ideas weren’t working. She really didn’t want him to stop teaching her, either. She feared he would end their training once he realized it wasn’t working. 

She was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t get upset with her. Yeah, he groaned, and you could tell it was frustrating for him, but he stopped to think and came up with a new idea. One that scared the daylights out of her. He wanted to take her on a run! 

He didn’t really tell her very much about his idea, just that they would be going on a run in the next week. He would make all the arrangements, she just had to be at the gates, ready to go, when he told her to. 

It was late in the day, when she had given him the stack of lists. After they talked, she had gone back to her cell and called it a night, knowing full well he would want her to work out in the morning, just like every day. She climbed into her bed, feeling like a weight had been taken off her shoulders by telling Merle the truth- his plans weren’t working.   
Beth woke up with a gasp, sometime in the middle of the night. She turned on the flashlight she kept tucked under her pillow, and frantically searched her cell. She searched for the one list she never wanted to see the light of day. It was meant for her eyes only. As the minutes passed and she couldn’t find it, she felt her mortification rising, along with her heart rate. She had never wanted him to see it, and she sure didn’t want anyone else in the prison to see it. 

She turned the cell upside down three times, cleaning up the mess and starting over, hoping she overlooked it somewhere. 

She didn’t. It was nowhere to be found. 

She threw herself back onto her bunk and stared up at the ceiling. It was still early, but she knew there was no way she would fall back to sleep. She threw on some clothes and made her way out to the prison yard. She waved at Michonne who was walking the fence lines before she started warming up. 

The blonde knew deep down in her heart that she didn’t want to look Merle in the eyes, or be anywhere near him, but she also realized that she didn’t have much of a choice. She would look even guiltier if she avoided him outright and didn’t show up to training. She hoped more than anything he hadn’t looked through any of the lists, that maybe he had just tossed them as soon as she was out of the room. 

Yeah, right. Like that would be her luck. 

She threw herself into their normal daily routine but made sure she did extra sets of everything. She knew she still had awhile before Merle even made it outside. It didn’t feel like it was doing anything to take her mind off the fact that she had majorly screwed up. 

She looked around, wishing like crazy that they had punching bags. She saw Michonne, again, down by the fences and didn’t give herself the chance to hesitate. She jogged down the slight hill and stopped next to the Samurai. 

Michonne tilted her head slightly, but gave no other indication that Beth stood next to her. 

“Umm, is there any chance you could spar with me for a little bit? Merle and I usually work out together, but obviously it’s really early still, and I mean, I know you’re on guard duty, but I would really appreciate it.” Beth rambled before she forced herself to stop. She bounced on the balls of her feet, nervous energy rushing through her. 

“My watch is almost over,” Michonne spoke quietly. “Give me five minutes,” 

Beth nodded, surprised at how easily Michonne agreed. She jogged back up the hill and began practicing some of the moves and forms she had learned in Tae Kwon Do, years prior. 

Michonne was true to her word. She soundlessly appeared next to Beth, set her swords down in arms reach, and waited for Beth to finish what she was doing.   
Beth turned to fully face Michonne and smiled shyly. “Thank you. I know you’re probably really tired an’ all,” 

“Not that tired,” Michonne corrected. “I can muster up the energy to spar with you,” 

Beth smiled, and got into a fighting stance. Beth waited until Michonne shifted just slightly on her right foot before moving to Michonne’s left, putting herself behind the other woman for just a moment. Michonne expected it and moved with her. Both grinned. They circled each other, both waiting to see what the other would do. Beth feigned a kick and ducked backwards, out of the reach of Michonne’s feet or hands. She knew the other woman would beat her easily by strength, size and speed, if she wasn’t careful. Beth not only had to use her head but use her small frame to her advantage. Michonne threw a punch, but Beth was able to avoid it easily. They continued like that for a good five minutes, testing each other out. 

They whirled around each other, hitting, kicking, evading. Landing and missing hits. Occasionally, Beth could spot a smug grin on Michonne’s face. They kept at it, neither quite getting the edge over the other. Beth had sweat beading on her forehead. Her concentration broke slightly when she heard a small cough somewhere behind her. She kept her attention focused on Michonne, grateful she had, or she would have missed the kick aimed for her gut. She bounced back. She didn’t fully evade the kick. 

Beth and Michonne continued circling each other. “How long do you want to keep this up?” Michonne asked, smug. 

“As long as you’re willing,” Beth smiled, not letting the look on Michonne’s face deter her. It did make her heart race increase a little more. 

It was obvious to Beth that Michonne kicked it up a few notches, that the other woman had been holding back, and probably still was.   
She couldn’t pin point the exact moment it went downhill for herself. She just knew that somehow Michonne ended up behind her and planted a boot into the back of her knee and brought her down, hard. By time she had started to get back onto her feet she heard the telltale of Michonne’s swords being put back in their sheaths. 

She looked around, identifying the source of the quiet cough earlier. Merle. Her heart did a crazy little dance in her chest. The humiliation rushed back to the forefront of her mind. Beth forced herself to act normal. 

Merle’s arms were crossed. “Should I stick around or ya got ‘Chonne as your new teacher?” 

Beth shook her head, eyes rolling before she could stop herself. 

Michonne chuckled, “If you want to spar more, you know where to find me,” 

Beth turned to look at the samurai. “Thank you, Michonne. You’re gonna have to show me how you did that,” 

The other woman winked, and walked back to the prison. 

“Guess ya might as well an’ get some sleep,” Merle announced. 

“Really?” She asked, surprised. 

“Yeah. Ya don’t need my help, seems like,” 

“Oh,” She tried to hide her disappointment. Part of her was grateful, she was already feeling how tired she was. A part of her was disappointed that he obviously didn’t want to train her. A part of her was hurt. He must have read that godawful list she had made and accidentally gave her. “Okay. I’ll see ya later,” 

She started to head back to the prison. 

He called out to her. “Be ready first thing in the mornin’, we’re leavin’ at first light.” 

She stopped dead in her tracks, and slowly turned around. “We are?” 

“I tol’ ya I’d make the arrangements,” 

“I didn’t realize it would be so soon.” She admitted. 

\---------------------------------------------------- 

She stood in her cell, looking around, wondering if she had everything she needed for leaving the prison. She sighed heavily. There was no way to attempt minimizing their interactions, now. They’d be alone together. God, she hoped he hadn’t seen that list. She still couldn’t believe how careless she had been and didn’t check to make sure it wasn’t in that pile. 

\----------------------------------------- 

Beth was grateful for all the training they had done. She was holding her own, not lagging behind Merle or depending too greatly on him to keep her safe as they walked. Despite the training, she was glad when Merle indicated they would stop for awhile and rest. 

She pulled out a protein bar she had packed and slowly ate it. 

“I was lookin’ through them lists ya gave me, an’ I found one that was real interestin’. Didn’t really know anyone liked so many things ‘bout me.” 

She looked up, eyes wide, and she felt like a deer caught in headlights. “I’m so sorry, Merle. I didn’t mean to give that to you. Or make you uncomfortable. I know I’m just a kid and you probably think I’m silly or something.” She finally blurted. 

Merle put his hand on her shoulder. “Relax, girly. Quit yammerin’ an’ take a breath.” He leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek. 

She nodded, too shocked to say anything. Her hand crept up to her cheek, of its own accord. She realized she was in a daze and couldn’t quit wondering if she was dreaming. 

Merle reached into his pocket and pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to her. She was slow to grab it. She unfolded it and began reading.   
• More to her than meets the eyes  
• Got the voice of an angel  
• Sweet as molasses  
• Doesn’t have a mean bone in her body  
• Thinks there’s something good about me  
• She doesn’t have an issue sassing me

Her eyes were wide. She paused in her reading to risk a look at the man in front of her. He was looking away, eyes focused off into the woods. She turned back to the list. 

• I got to be at least twice her age  
• She’s too damn sweet   
• She’s right, her sister would kill me.   
• Her daddy too  
• I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth and Merle arrive at their destination. Revelations are made and Merle learns about different types of Monopoly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy ;)

Merle was a stranger to feeling shy. He couldn’t remember a single moment in his life where the feeling had ever made itself known. Sure, he had seen Daryl’s shyness his entire life, but witnessing it and experiencing it were two completely different things. Merle, intentionally, exuded confidence and an ego the size of Georgia. This, this was something completely new. And he wasn’t sure he liked the feeling. He handed her the list he made her and ignored the shyness bubbling up inside of him. 

He had wanted to show her that he cared, that he knew the lists were a part of her. He wanted to show her that even if she kept making them, he would be okay with that.  
He focused on the woods around them, pointedly not watching her. 

“Merle?” She asked. 

He took a deep breath before he looked into her blue eyes. “Yeah, suga?” 

She hesitated, “Thank you. This means a lot to me.” 

His eyebrows rose, “Ya don’t gotta thank me.” 

“I was so scared when I realized I gave ya that. I never meant for you to see that. Or, anyone for that matter. The fact ya didn’t laugh an’ ya cared enough to show me…it means a lot to me,” She admitted. 

“I figured ya didn’t. Look, ya ain’t gotta be scared to tell me anything.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat. He was surprised when she leaned in and hugged him, her arms tight around his waist. He put his own arms around and let his chin rest on the top of her head. He relaxed, surprised with how right it seemed. “I wasn’t the nicest or most carin’, before, to you, about all of this an’ I never meant to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad.”

Instead of speaking, she instead just hugged him a little tighter and nuzzled her nose into his chest. 

After an undetermined amount of time, he asked a question that had been bugging him for a long while. “Why would I need fuzzy socks?” 

She lifted her head and looked Merle straight in the eyes. Her voice held no tone of teasing, only seriousness. “Everyone needs fuzzy socks.” 

His face must have shown the confusion he felt with her statement. He couldn’t imagine a need for fuzzy sucks. “They’re warm and fuzzy and soft. It’s like your feet are in heaven.” 

“That so?” He asked and kissed her forehead. 

She nodded and began to grin. It reminded him of the purple cat from Alice in Wonderland. The Cheshire Cat. He had liked that cartoon a lot when he tripped on acid.  


“I think you’d look good in purple ones.” 

He damn near choked on his saliva and his eyes widened dramatically. He forced himself to take a deep breath. Then he rolled his eyes so hard he gave himself a headache. “You ain’t catching me dead in no damn purple fuzzy socks.” 

She giggled, “That’s okay, I can picture it easily enough. They’re a lightish purple and like, kinda ratty, ‘cause you’ve worn them a lot.” 

\------------------------------------------------------- 

He knew exactly where they were going and had a plan for clearing the building. It was simple. She stayed the hell outside and out of sight until he gave her the all clear. He knew better than anyone what she’s capable of. But the thought of her in a building potentially full of the dead, in a way riskier situation, gave him the chills. Too much could go wrong and something inside him screamed to keep her as far from danger as possible. 

He expected it when Beth told him to, “Fuck off” and that she could “handle her own.”

He insisted that she stay out of harms way or else he would turn them the fuck around and go home empty handed. 

She glared daggers at him at him as he walked away and entered the building on his own. He could feel the glare even once he was inside. He couldn’t find it within himself to care. 

He easily cleared the building and double checked it before returning to the angry blonde. He stopped outside in time to see her putting a knife into the ear canal of a rotter. A sense of pride washed over him as she pulled the knife out and wiped it clean on the corpses tattered clothing. Merle leaned against the side of the building and waited for her to finish and notice him. When she did, he simply asked if she was ready and headed back into the building. 

He waited for her just inside the door. 

“Why exactly are we at a toy store, of all places?” She asked, as she glanced around the room. 

“To get what I need, and I figured there might be some good stuff here for the youngin’s.” 

Beth nodded as if that was the most normal thing on the face of the earth. As if it wasn’t the exact opposite of everything anyone had ever said about him.  
“Will you tell me about your life before?” She looked over at him, an almost wary expression on her face. 

“It ain’t sunshine and daisies, I’m not real sure it’s anything you want to be hearing.” He attempted to hide the wariness that he felt from showing on his face. 

“I mean, I know a little about your past. I’ve known Daryl a long time. I’ve seen his scars. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay. We all have our own burdens and histories.” She shrugged. Beth’s body was relaxed, and she faced towards him. He had to fight to resist the urge to lash out. 

“I’ll make you a deal, girly. We get what we need out of here an’ as we work, I’ll tell you about my past. How’s that sound?” 

Beth nodded and smiled, silently agreeing. She didn’t speak but grabbed a cart that sat abandoned nearby and began to walk down the aisles, looking at the items displayed.  
Merle did the same, grabbing a cart of his own. He however, started on the other side of the store. He made his way through a couple of aisles before he began to talk in a quiet voice that could just barely be heard from where she walked. 

“I’ve always been a bit o’ a troublemaker, in all honesty. It wasn’t till Daryl was born that I really started getting myself into trouble, though.” He thought back to all those years ago when his ma and pa brought the baby home. “I realized not longer after my ma told me that she was pregnant that things weren’t gonna get any better ‘round there. My pa was always beatin’ on her an’ me. He didn’t hit her much when she was pregnant. He saved most of it for me. He was a no-good drunk. I hated him. I still do, I suppose.” 

He glanced away from the shelves and over towards her. He didn’t miss the way she had her head cocked to the side, like she was listening intently to every word he said, even as she kept her eyes on what she was doing. 

“When they brought Darylina home, I knew I wouldn’t let him go without if I could help it. I was too young for any sort of job, an’ shit, I had no clue on how to take care of no baby, but damn if I didn’t try. I started selling drugs to get money for formula an’ all the shit a baby needs. It landed me in juvie more than once. Mostly, I had acquaintances, not friends. But those acquaintances knew I wasn’t fucking around. I made sure if I was locked up that they’d take my cut an’ deliver what the boy needed to my place, discreetly. Ma was drinkin’ too. She didn’t have a spine, but she did her best to take care of him with what I brought home. Daryl got older an’ he was stuck to my side like glue. It didn’t bother me none. It meant he wasn’t at home in that shitty trailer that was falling around us, it meant he wasn’t gonna end up being used as our pa’s punching bag like ma an’ me.”

“That didn’t save him though, did it?” She whispered. 

He felt defensive momentarily before he bit down on the anger that surged up. He realized instantly that there was no bite to her tone. No judgement there. “No, it didn’t.” He agreed. 

Their eyes met from across the store and she nodded once in acknowledgement. 

“I didn’t know. Not till I saw the scars on his back as a grown ass man. Scars he hid from me an’ everyone else. If that fucker wasn’t already dead I’d hunt him down an’ kill him. Slow an’ painful for what he did to Little Brotha.” 

“Did he die before the dead started walking?” 

“Yeah. Supposedly some sort o’ hunting accident in the woods surrounding his trailer. If ya ask me, it wasn’t an accident. He probably owed someone a debt an’ wasn’t paying up. Whatever the case, I’m glad the bastard ain’t around anymore.” 

Merle returned his focus onto the shelves in front of him, his mind wandered away from the tragedies of his past momentarily as he took in the sight of why they were in the toy store, in the first place. Fidget spinners. He realized that it was probably silly, but he figured maybe if she had something in her hands it would help her to distract herself from writing the lists. Rid one habit but replace it with something else. He assumed it might work. He’s seen enough ex-smokers do the same thing. They’d exchange the cancer sticks for something like a straw to chew on or hold in their fingers, cut down to the same length as a smoke, or sunflower seeds to fill the void that comes with giving up on a big bad habit. 

He looked at the huge selection of different spinners and fidget cubes and grabbed a few different styles of both. The fidget spinners were interesting, to say the least. One he picked up was a heavier metal, with money symbols etched into it. Another was gold and black, with Batman symbols. Another with blue and red, with Superman symbols on it. The fidget cubes came in different two-tone color groupings. They didn’t have as much variety. Merle intentionally grabbed several different weighted spinners, considering that her hands are vastly smaller than his own. 

After finding the ones he would take back with them he pulled the backpack from his shoulders and quickly placed them inside one of the smaller pockets. He wanted to show them to her later. 

“Ya find anything you think them little ones will like?” He called out to her. 

She laughed. “Oh yeah. Board games for days. There’s a few here that I used to play with Maggie an’ Shawn when we were kids. Don’t laugh, but there’s a version of Monopoly  
here that I think the whole group would enjoy playing, that I really wanted.” 

“They got more than one game o’ Monopoly?” He asked, surprised. 

Even from a distance he could see her eyes widen dramatically. “You didn’t know that? C’mere,” She waved her hands dramatically.  
Merle tried and failed to resist a grin at her theatrics. It briefly reminded him of the fact that she’s still so young, but he quickly forced the thought out of his head. Young isn’t necessarily a bad thing. 

He pushed his cart over to her and looked at the shelf filled with boxes in front of her. His own eyes widened as he took in over 20 different versions of the classic game.  
“Look, theres Cheaters monopoly, which is the one I’m actually excited about. There’s Ultimate Banking Edition, Empire, Junior, Mega, Pokemon, Star Wars, Game of Thrones, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, U-Build, Here and Now, World and US editions. There are so many different ones. Oh look! They have the Millenials version here.” 

“Sounds like a bunch o’ geeks got together an’ had a hay day.” He chuckled. She bumped his arm with her elbow but giggled, nonetheless. “Ya gonna grab some o’ them an’ bring them with us?” 

“Hell yeah!” She blushed as the slight swear fell from her lips. 

“Ya kiss yer daddy with that mouth?” He felt relaxed in a strange way, that he hadn’t ever felt before. He was still on high alert, sure, but his soul felt relaxed, as he joked and teased Beth. 

“Yup,” She popped the ‘p’, “But I think you an’ Daryl are rubbing off on me. Pretty soon I’ll be swearin’ like y’all do, and lord help us all if my daddy hears some of those come out of my mouth.” 

“Ya jus’ keep them sweet little swears between you an’ me, then. It can be our dirty little secret, Suga,” His mind jumped to a vision of the two of them alone in a room, no space in between their bodies as he kissed her and touched her, laying close together on a bed, one of her legs thrown over his as the kept their bodies as close to each other as they could. 

A blush bloomed on her cheeks as she smiled at him lazily. He didn’t miss the fact that her eyes appeared to be half hooded. He wondered if she was imagining the same things he was. 

He took a step closer to her and placed his hand on her elbow. The blush deepened but she lifted her eyes to his and tilted her head slightly as she licked her lips. His hand moved from her elbow, ghosting up her arm to rest against her rosy cheek. She leaned into the touch. He moved slowly, like he was approaching a skittish dog, before he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers in a tentative kiss. She kissed him back with out any hesitation. He pulled away, letting his forehead press against hers, as she took a shaky breath. After a few seconds he kissed her again, allowing the kiss to deepen and for her to lead it. One of her hands rested on his chest, above his heart. He felt the slight tremor in her fingers as her other hand went to the hair at the base of his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't even lie. This chapter was a lot of fun to write. It wasn't remotely close to what I had planned and I scrapped it twice before finally getting this. It got a little dark and then well, it's Merle and things got a little heated if you know what I mean. 
> 
> I've put a lot of myself into the way I write Merle and Beth in this story, and the scenerios that pop up. Like, Beth's OCD and what not are my own. Merle's thought process behind the fidget spinners and liking it to ex smokers? The straw thing is actually something I've done to quit smoking in the past. It helped for a long time. Then life happened. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this and I'm sorry for the long wait.


End file.
